Damebramage

This Next Year is Yours.

2006-12-31T21:30:00.000-06:00

Happy Turning of the Time Thingies!

When I was a kid, I used to deliberately lose myself during family camping trips by wandering out at night to the loneliest spot on the grounds, and sit there with my headphones on, staring at the sky. The stars, the moon, the periodic satellite careening by...wondering what was up there, and whether or not they knew about me and my family.

...So much Bigness. I was in awe.
I'd further freak myself out by finding a picnic table and stretch myself on it on my back. After a short while, it seemed I was plastered to the front a glass ship's cockpit. Where we going? No control! WHOOOOOO!

I'm gonna do that again, real soon.

HAAAPPY NEW YEAR, KIDDIES!

Merry Jolly!

2006-12-24T15:48:00.000-06:00

Happy Holidomes, y'all!
I hope The Season finds you happy and healthy, loving and upbeat, and not all sad, self-pitying and face down in a pool of your own vomit.

I truly do, because Christmas/ this time of year has become one big nasty melee of obese consumerism, and I don't know about you, but as I have run around attempting to find that absolutely perfect gift for each of my loved ones I have noticed the following:

#1-- By GOD, there's a lot of inane shit for the buying (and land-filling) out there;
#2-- People SUCK. Not all of 'em, mind you... just a great many.

But I'm in the Spirit! And so are the hobos. Here we have a real tree which, as I understand, a couple homeless guys put up every year and festoon with found beer and soda cans.

I was told they do it every year by a dude who works at my neighborhood liquor place. I'll take his word for it, as I've only lived here in Logan Square for a year or so, but never noticed if it was up last year. I LIKE IT!

When I took these pictures on my lil' cell phone, the dudes were just putting finishing touches on their handiwork. I promised myself that when I was on my way back from the liquor store I'd give them each $5 to take a picture of them with their tree.

They were nowhere around when I passed back by. Like, within 3 minutes they had vaporized, and only this lonely holiday hobo relic was testament of their existence. POOF! Magic homeless guys!

Be well and keep warm, magic hobos... and may you come across large, abandoned bank-notes and bottles of Christian Brothers for evermore. PEACE!

A Scanner Dorkly

2006-12-17T23:02:00.000-06:00

It's so nice to have our scanner up, connected and working again.
This means you can dig up crazy old pictures of yourself and equally insane loved ones, and make public the silly shit you did which made you pee yourself at the time you did it, and still does, you cracked old fart, you...

Observe the colorful (meaning shades of puke circa 1972) car-salesman jacket! The overly-strong prescription glasses!
The hat!
Lordy, I have no idea what the snot-green goblet and the mustard sitting on the counter have to do with anything, but
do I have the Pumpkin for YOU!

This would be Sharon, my younger sister. You can tell she's really loving the Pumpkin, all hunched over and scarfy and protective and retardedly Franken-fool about it.

Good times. Goooood times, my friends.

HI, STEVE!!

2006-12-17T21:09:00.000-06:00

This is "Steve", a wicker mannequin what fer them seamstress-people would use that I bought for five dollah at a neighbor's yard sale last summer. FIVE DOLLAH! Even if one has no use for it whatsoever-- well, for fuck's sake, SUCH A DEAL!

Yeah, "Steve". I name LOTS of inanimate objects. Don't ask me why. It's just what I do.

And if you've ever seen the film, "Multiplicity" OR clicked on the link embedded in my entry title, you'd understand just WHAT "Steve" means.

Nonetheless:

Here we have our buddy all decked out in Holiday Glory. BLIIINNNGG!
Being somewhat of a poor street urchin my little ol' self, it was decided between myself and my darling Yeti while Christmas shopping to-- how do I say it?--
Fuck getting a tree, let's get some lights and decorate Steve. Capital Idea! Save dough! Scare the neighborhood! ROCK!

I suppose the comic element here is that our lovely Trustproof Gal, Laura, anticpated my actually, like, HAVING a tree, and therefore came over to mine homestead with boxes of precious, jolly and antique baubles for something a bit more...oh, tree-like.

OOPS! But does that deter the determined? HEEELLL, NO!

You know, when I purchased the soothing blue lights (i dig blue; very soothing and wintery), I hadn't realized just what LED lights (they burn cool! no hotness!) would look like on anything but a cop car.
Or that little light that comes with fancy cigarette lighters.

...Holy shit, it's like a Disco Faggy Cop entered the room. AWWWWESOME!

So we decked Steve's halls in and out, and Laura-- ever the artiste!-- put a pair of festive nipple rings on him!
OH, COME ALL YE FAITHFUL TO THE RAVE!

Well, I love him. Darren loves him, and by all that is freaky and righteous, all who see will come and adore. Or else.

And he's not even really "done" yet. I've still oodles of shit to put on him, and I'm working on that bubble-light penis Laura so badly wanted to make a reality. Girlfriend! Working ON it!

Welles Park

2006-12-05T12:25:00.000-06:00

Whoo, it's so frosty! It's a small photo, But believe me, it's beauteous, within and out.

I'm sure Cletus knows the place to which I'm referring. (don'tcha? you live nearby)

Anyways... This is a gazebo which was put in during rennovation within the last 5 years. The park is glorious.

I don't know why, but it's got me the Holiday Ghosties on the Brain.

I have family
Many long since gone
Sometimes when I'm sleeping
Some sing a song
Even the pets we used to keep
Although I no longer live there,
I hear them creep
Little dogs and cats crawl and
Sleep at my feet
in the bed in
warm bedding
I hear their animal murmurs
and their drooling, and their purrs
And then
Nana
and another
comes to stroke my forehead
Thinking I have fever
One hand
And then another (i know it is)
It's almost a fight, because
I see no one, but
You know
It's Holiday, and
Who wants to be unnoticed?
I am so lucky
I have two spirits fighting over me.

Find The Whaaaaa?

2006-11-27T01:04:00.000-06:00

...So my boyfriend's parents came up from Okaleehoma for Thanksgiving, and all was nice, well-fed, good companiness and the lot. We had much good times. However, being hosts to them not from the Big, Windy City, we did find ourselves out on Michigan Avenue on Saturday.

A Holy Hell-hole of Holiday Shopping FRUCK, is what it was.

My hat is off to YOU, whoever you might be, who can stand the lemming-shuffle of throngs and throngs of consumer retards who willingly offer up their souls and personal comfort in pursuit of shoe bargains and perhaps a free sample of "L'Eau D'Executif en Hummer Gasoline Guzzler Ecceleration!".

Whatever.

Never mind my hippie, "just get what you need and not more" frame of mind, mind THIS:

... Can you see the "Find the Joy" stencil on the display window? Yes? OK.
Do they look like they're finding anything? Shit, no. They're too Valled up to look at anything but Pluto.

Your Armani Disco Amazingness has me thinking that when you shop here.... it is proof you have leedle penis.

This cat here was shaking his groove so bad, I felt bad I only had 5 dollars to give. He works for The Salvation Army.
No, really! Muther was Chicken-dancing, and humming, and strutting, and had lights and two fighting Santas on his hat...
...even if I WAS sheisted, he was hands-down the most genuine thing I'd seen all day.

TA-DAAAAAAAA!

2006-11-26T23:47:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday, Sheena! You are surrounded by peoples who loves you to the fullest...

...Even if they* take a fudgey-cake-thing and smear it all over your face.

So that you look like you lost the Peter Criss Lookalike Contest. Again.

So WHAT?

You are the beautifullest and heroically silliest, wonderful person I know.

I love you, sister.

* Pictured in background is Christine, older sister to the smearee. Quite proud of her handiwork, she is.
But I helped, so I be a schmuck, too. Go, schmucks!!

I'm Getting So Bad at Updating Stuff and Stuff...

2006-11-14T14:08:00.000-06:00

...Not that I have a real audience or anything, but I'll apologize anyways: Solly!
Aside from keeping me way busy, work has too many stories for me to not feel like I'd be violating HIPPAA regulations if I went into detail about, oh, say the homicidal freak we had to cart from a house of ill repute in East Joliet to a psych ward in a hospital up here in Chicago... or the Russian lady who simply would NOT part from her "Jell-o and the milks" when we came to take her for her daily dialysis appointment... or the little ol' black lady we picked up who-- bless her surly cuteness!-- could not be anything more than an escapee from The Muppet Show.

So I won't go into detail. But LOOK AT MY PAN-SEARED ASS!!!

WhoooHoooo, doggie! See, this is what happens when you fall asleep while using one of them heating pads what fer to relieve yer aching lower back.

So, it DID relieve my aching lower back, but now I've got some sort of weird Star-Trek alien sunburn-butt. Behold!

I can now say that I've actually gone and cooked myself. What the hell?

I wants me a tappy-dance, by golly!

2006-11-01T02:08:00.000-06:00

I LOVE musicals. I've watched them ravenously with my family since I was a tiny brat.

And I'm never going to apologize to you self-consciously hip, solo-dauncing, emo shoe-gazing poo-eaters.

Oh, my lordy that was so fun to say.

GIMME A DANCE PARTNER! I totally love the human contact! Stumbling and uncoordinated or Not!
Gimme WHACK! Gimme frickin' Giggles! Gimme people tripping over people and having one Hell of a Time!

Life... is not a rehearsal. Let's get messy, my friend!

Venice: In my own alley?

2006-10-17T19:24:00.000-05:00

NOT. LOOKIT THIS CRAP.

Do you think this is a Venetian canal?
Are you riding in a gondola?
Do you hear sweet music?

No, bitch. Why, you ask?

There's a stretch of alleyway between where I reside and share with at least 5 other households/ families. And...

Every time it rains-- I'm not talking torrents, but OH, when it has-- there's this 75-foot stretch of alleyway that just simply CAN'T DRAIN A THANG.

Our garbage-cans float around, regardless of the filth within (can't help it- law of dumpy gravity), animals like cats and dogs that get out of their yards skirt this area like it's fucking moat (which it is) and cars going thru leave a nice wake....

What's going on? Super Dirt? Tree-roots? Bodies?

I've most recently gotten in touch with some streets n' sanitation dude. He says he's going to send an investigator to scope the alley.

Ooooh! A man in a trenchcoat. A super-private-eye. Coming to peruse the scene!

Dare I say that anything could possibly be done? I suppose that's all up to the monkey in the trenchcoat. Huh.

G'Bye, Esquire

2006-10-02T17:28:00.000-05:00

Farewell to you, beloved landmark of Chicago. I had great times seeing films in your wonderous, art-deco self.
A couple times totally stoned! YAY!

You were wonderous... full of flaws, full of popcorn odor... and full of history.

More than a few times,
I swear I smelled face-powder as I used the women's bathroom... and, afterwords, when I found myself locked in a stall, hearing a woman's voice, giggling, like she'd played a trick on her friend.

Friend, I do not know you. But I get your joke. And so:

May the ghosts of your more personable personages scare the shit out of the yuppies proclaiming progress for that shit-sucking shopping hole.

EMT Klassy!

2006-09-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

...Because I know you been waiting.
Been biting the nails, have ya? Picking the nose, and itching in places your momma told you not to?
You can stop now.
Hello! These are the peeps who have had to endure my presence 40 hours a week for, like, 8 weeks.
I have SO enjoyed myself with these humans. It's really strange how close you can grow when you're hanging out for hours at a time.
It's like my own dysfunctional family, only I'm not related to any of these freaks.

I'm already going through withdrawal.

Pictured here is pretty much everyone*:

Juan, Gwen, Jennifer, Kirk (back), Amanda, Me, Damani (front), Wajdy, and Louis

They are silly people.

I MISS YOU, SILLY PEOPLES! Cocktails and/or food soon? Like, for those of you who don't drink or are celebrating Ramadan and stuff?

Here's silly people in action:

* NOT pictured would be:

Sa'ana: Med student extraordinaire. Cute, petite, and mouthy as hell, she took the course in order to focus on Emergency Medicine, in which she, after she breezes through her medical boards, will specialize. Friggin smartass.

Sheila: Skinny, chip-chompin' mother of one. "That is NOT the question I asked, Laura"... Well, miss-- the question I ask is WHERE the fruck were you half the session? And how come with all them Cheetos your ass ain't huge?

Chris: Our quick-witted, mongoose-y Instructor. Forced upon us the term, "Overlord". M'Kay. Simple enough. Wonderful educator, if, at times, a bit, uh, "special". The only reason he's not in said group photo is that the other shot taken by Amanda had to be discarded, as her nicotine withdrawal made us all look like blurry motherfuckers.

I Gots Me a Crush.

2006-09-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

He's silver-fox dreamy.
He's well-read, well-spoken, and has that timbre of voice that makes yer nipples stand at attention.

He's a modern-day Paul Revere, but cheeky and eloquent like Shakespeare with a tattoo!
He's Keith Olberman! And I ask myself:

Where the frick have I been?

Oh, yeah. I been in school.
Head in the books. #2 pencils. Playing with combitubes, nonrebreathers and CPR dummies.
OY, NOW! BULLETIN! I graduated! I passedeth my EMT National Exam!
I git to ride the woo-woo! Woof! Bark!
More crap on that later, though. Won't be interesting enough unless I upload some pics and little flicks of my classmates. You need the Monty on this one in order to appreciate, for sure.

Anyways... there IS a Batman! It feels like Christmas, or Easter, or like when I find a fin (that's $5) in a pair of pants I haven't worn in years.

And he's on the TV.
The T.V.?
You know, that thing sitting in yer Watching Something Area?
99% of the time it's usually pooping out vacuous bullshit, like "I Wanna Be America's Next Top Jackass"
or "Paris Hilton: I Have No Gag Reflex", but every once in a while there's 1% of actual content.

Like, SMART content.

I don't know about you, but listen: I gotta go right now.
I'm clipping off a lock of my hair for my scrapbook. Commemorate this moment and such, so I can remember the moment where I began to feel the mainstream of human existence realizing there is something uber-fucked up, here.

Lookit! Keith's online, too! Check it:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6210240/

9/11, In Memoriam: But WTF?

2006-09-11T20:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is the Fifth year commemorating 9/11.

I feel loss.
I feel tired.
I feel horrible.
I feel the wandering unrest of the souls of so many, wondering, "WHY?" and I also know some of those left behind to bury (not many, to my advantage, i suppose), whose earthly lives will never be the same.

They have paled themselves into ghosts, for an unfortunate, obvious reason.

But I have asked myself time and again: What WAS the reason? There is still so much left unanswered.

Even as I watched the newscast with horror, completely dream-like and unfolding ever more surreal, there was a part of me... a humongous part... which felt the whole thing to be orchestrated somehow.

I am not belittling anyone's loss.
Nor am I "unpatriotic". I love my country, and count myself among the grooviest and most blessed, if you will, to have advantage of taking opportunity of... well, a multitude of opportunities.

So if what I'm tapping out here offends you, do yourself a favor and shut the shit off. Go elsewhere. Spend your hate on-- Oh, I dunno, your neighbor?

I still believe in Freedom of Speech. You can tell the next person pissing you off that they are a Right Poo-Eater. Ha! So 6th grade, but I love that one.

I also believe in saving room for Jell-O. You ever heard THAT one?
It's kinda like saying, "Don't raise that middle finger in offense until you've seen it all", or if you're a James Bondie, "Never Say Never".

Really: Do you actually KNOW your neighbor?
For real: Do you trust that the dude you give 50 cents to really needs to catch a bus, like he told you?
No, REALLY: Do you unequivically believe that your government is doing everything in YOUR best interest?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FujppU50EpA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfcodzyZIJk&mode=related&search=

ASK ME WHY I CARE: An update

2006-09-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

About being negligent with my posts, the public diary to I dunno whom?

I really don't. It's just that I have that Catholic Guilt instilled. It's like a freaking homing device.

Either way, I will catch you up-- but more importantly, myself! Yes! Me! Selfish!-- on subjects re:

* The death of my aunt Loretta, The Punkette before The World Knew Punk, and also my mother's closest conspirator and confidante;
* The birth of my little nephew, Ryan Joseph, a tiny, glorious nugget of Irish-Korean dreamery;
* The drunken lady who phoned me one night, who, when I asked who she was, simply told me that she was 'having a night, dahling, and so should you. We're at...' (phone Klaks to floor);
* The motherfucker at the intersection of Central and North Ave., who continually insists on cleaning my windshield with spit and chutzpah. I got nothing for you, man, so stuff it and stop getting Tourette's on me;
* And the fly in its death throes, whapping its own little crap-dancing body against the monitor, again and again. Whatchoo looking for? The tap-shoe for poo you lost somewhere in my house?

Pitchfork, baby

2006-08-06T13:56:00.000-05:00

Just a few pictures from the Pitchfork Music Festival here in ShitCargo the weekend of July 29-30. So:

Hi, Cletus! Taking a little break from Coke refinery salvage? Lookin innocent! Or mebbe guilty? No, I DIDN'T hear that noise. But check yer pants anyways.

I don't know what the appeal of these sticky, stainy motherfuckers was, but they where everywhere.
I almost lost count, on account of my counting the disgusting comeback of 70's jogger shorts replete with multi-colored tube socks. Pulled up all the way.
I hope all you sucker suckers enjoyed. Here's one guy being a good sport and showing me Sucka Love. Yay!

Same guy, doing of the Shareness with none other than Miss Effie Laughmonger, Most Beauteous Artiste of the Poignantly Inane. Double Yay!

You know how when you go to public events, like, oh, concerts, and there's usually some Capital Douche whose M.O. is to be Growly, Glare-y and Punky-Intimidatingness? And all that other yesteryear teenage bullshit?

Here's a nice shot of her apathetic behind. Effie, girl, I so would have kicked her ass for you, baby.
But I was feeling nice that day.

Oh, Lonely ChinAlternaMan! In this heat you guzzle so! Upon who do you wait? Do you pine for the underground sounds of the favorite band you yourself discovered and are the One True Fan, or do you await the return of your porcelain-skinned Goth Babe from the Ricefields of The Underworld?

Lookit Them Guns!

2006-08-06T12:46:00.000-05:00

Hello! These are my parents. They're AWESOME. For real!
My mother-- at the tender, new-driver age of 16-- fell for my father when she walked with a friend after school one day to visit with the friend's honeybutt.
Apparently Honeybutt worked at an auto garage, and so did a very bicep-y, dark-haired Scoop of Handsomeness named James.
Upon seeing this fine thang, my mom pooped herself and exclaimed, "That's MINE! Mine, mine MINE!!!"

Well, she didn't poop herself, but she knew immediately who her lobster was. (psst! lobsters mate for life; watch the Discovery Channel once in a while, fool)

So, here they are, Kathleen and James.
The reason I'm here.
The reason I'm happy!
The Divine Combination which conceived and nurtured and taught me to love, laugh, and pass it on.

I LOVE YOU, MOM AND PAPPY!

BuZizzy BEeYotch

2006-08-03T22:09:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's the troof.

What? I misspelled? Eff-YOU, Richie Cunningham.
No "Eeyyy", either. I ain't no Fonze; I'm a busy bitch, bitch.

I began a course for certification in EMT-B about 3 weeks ago, and it's nerding me out. In a good way, though!
I mean, there's talky classroom stuff, but with practicals on CPR, lifting patients (speshal emph on the heavies), and how to get your compromised airway open again (cos' you can't breathe, mutha. nor can you tell me, duh) so I can get you to the pros.

I'm talking to YOU, fatass Angina Pectoris Man.

Can you believe I am actually working on saving fatfucks like you? You angry, huffing, puffing fist-shaker? You kicker in the shins of feeble peeps? You cantalope squeezer? You faker of hairs in your restaurant food for a free meal (even though we all know a graying chest-hair don't get into your linguine without your deliberate plucking, but we all see your wife's withering, shameful silence as you sheist us, and because she's put up with you, we love her)?

Oh. And: You Ventriloquist of Farts? C'MON, I think we all know by now that it WASN'T the pink elephant, raccoon, or toddler who just ran by.

I'm so kidding. I'm just saying this because as I go on my experiential runs (not doodies, yo) with actual ambulance crews, this is what I'm experiencing.

This is lifey, and this, my buds, is how it is. I have no expectations of glamour, or romance, or... what have you.

I simply felt the need to do a leedle update in my crazed state... and to warn you not to get old, persnickety and crappy on me.

But that's my expectations of you. My expectations of me, however, are much higher.

Poop away, Crap-Crickets! I'll try updating soon with verve and brilliance galore...

For Karl: Bilja Goes Long!

2006-07-07T18:13:00.000-05:00

Oh! Bilja just realizes titlement sound of the dirty. But no matter! Bilja had wonderful time, going to adoptive parental place of residing and playing of the Chucky Cheese footbal into water! Child-nephew throws and says American Football chants, and in Bilja goes! Was safely good with child-tube around waist! No drowning around the suburban water holdingness!
And sharky fin apparatus for hand was good, as shoots water! Watch out, little humans! I squirt aquaticness at your person!

Ah! Action shot of Bilja doing the Long-Going! Most unfortunate, the finger of welly-manicured American girl-sister in the picture view. But what is a Bilja to do? Cry? No... no cry for Bilja. Bilja cry only once, when Suity Man take Neishna away to southern country, and when this had happen, slap on the face. No more cry for Bilja.

Oh! Bilja wears American sock on feet for to be useful in the riddance of "algae".. or "algernon"... in the hole of swimming.
Looking good, no? Socks are luxury!

What the Hell?

2006-07-07T13:53:00.000-05:00

Okay, so my friend, Laura, has been having pregnancy dreams lately. Fair enough.
My dreams? Fucked up, creepy ghosty ones.

I had one a couple nights ago from which I awoke crying.
I was on something like a cherry picker in the alley behind my parents' house in Oak Park, and my cousin, MaryKay, was with me and another presence unidentified. The sky above us looked like it was getting ready to storm heavily.
You know how sometimes when it's already overwhelmingly thunderstorm-y looking, and you can see lower whisps of dark cloud, like they aim at touching the earth? We had noticed a mass of that sort, and MaryKay, ever the smartass, said:
"There ya go: Mother Nature, showing off yet again with her penchant for dramatics and lighting..."
I only know there was another presence on this elevated platform with us, as I recall hearing another voice join in laughing at Mary's comment...

And then I'm looking down at MaryKay, standing below me in the alleyway, and the cloud has come down to her level.
It begins entering the center of her ribcage, and she's just frozen, looking down at it and gasping airlessly.
Now I'm down at her level, watching this dark thing taking its time, snaking slowly and evilly into her, and I want to help, but am afraid to make it aware of my presence, lest it turn on me. I felt so helpless and stupid...
********************************************************************************************************************
And then last night was like a horrible B-movie come to life.
I was helping a friend move into an apartment, which she said "had some quirks"...
There was a closet of some sort, like the big ones with trifolding, slatted doors, through which this hideous old zombie-devil lady kept sticking her head every time I walked past. She was corrosion, she was Death, and I even remember the smell.
Somehow a group of teenagers got into the apartment, and they were zombies... or something. I mean, they were all decaying, but their purpose wasn't to eat organs or brains or anything... it was more like they just wanted to share in the futility of keeping this planet going. They were retardedly perky about it, too:
"No, really! End of the World! Tomorrow!"
"Have you REALLY thought about why you want to live?"
"My uncle is dead, and he says it's just fine."

I find myself atop the building, looking for higher places to climb to get away from this, and a guy comes out on his fire escape, asking me if his father wants him to be there. I ask him where his father is, to which he says, "Oh. Dead."
I say, "It's a beautiful day. Let's see the sun rise", to which he replies, "so then he DOES", and climbs up with me.

And we wait, it seems, for the end of all things.
*******************************************************************************************************************

Damn. So hard to describe the shit that goes on in the sleep-state. I know I haven't been watching too many scary flicks or anything like that. Perhaps I've been keeping up with the news too much? I DO know I am concerned with the health of family members as of late... and also I've got too much time on my hands.

Damn hands.

Alms for the Freakish? (A.K.A. Project Bilja)

2006-07-03T14:59:00.000-05:00

Hallo! I am harmonically good refugee from... oh, let's say somewhere where we're all cute! Indeed, no?
Even with the face hairys! Isn't it?
I am skillfulness with the mouth-harp, which is so nicer than the accordion, as it nicely fits into my pocket.

..Or yours, if I barnacle myself unto you, for you promised me the King of Burgers, no? Because Bilja does not let go of the good deals, and today the good deals are the Whopper, the Fried Potato Fingerlets, and a Shake of The Chocolate Kind!!

...You are saying you don't remember this original agreement for to leave you alone and- how you say- to halt with the song that makes the children run with ears covered, and also to make the animals pee in protest? This is impossible! Like barnacle, I remain a part of you until I am rewarded for my fine harmonicing. Don't wince... Bilja has strong thighs and hands with suction-like action! Almost like Kermit-Frog! Yes! I am strong!

I will sing you songs of life on the Provost canal, where Bilja gave one half of leg for pork-rinds.
And also Bilja gave other rest of leg for bottle of water for to wash down the dried piggy treats.

Trust me, salty canal is no good for the drinking. In end, Bilja misses being almost 2 metres in height, but the riboflavin was much necessary.

So, my friend! Where is this King of which you are saying? We shall seek it together! And while we are seeking this fine place, I will perform for you my post-modernish harmonica piece, which I am happily to call "The Troll I Am That Off Your Back Will Not Happen"!

Jerri Blank... You're My Hero!

2006-06-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

I simply CANNOT wait.
Right now, I wish I lived in New York. Or at least had a nice hookup with someone who works for the travel industry, so I could get my freak on and see "Strangers With Candy: The Movie", debuting in NY TODAY, JUNE 28TH. Gahhhh!
Damn hipster city.

Oh, but I'll be right there when it opens here in Chicago on July 7th. Hell, I'll be the first one in line, dammit!

(FYI- above is a picture of Jerri's real mom, after giving her child away in return for a pitcher of beer. LOVE it!)

Surrounded by Punks!

2006-06-26T17:05:00.000-05:00

Me and my nephews, Jake and Brennan. What does one do? They're hamming it up homey-style. Dern punks. Punks that like sweets. We'll see what it does to their pre-teen bodies... heheheh...

Ohhh! Man down! Too much cake, punkey?

Haha! You Be Stuck, Now!

2006-06-25T20:25:00.000-05:00

I kid. Here's a lovely picture of my sister, Christine, and new hubby, Kevin, after the deal was sealed on Sunday, June 18th, 2006.

The wedding was gawgeous, and much fun, frolic and fancy food was had at a mansion in joliet.
http://www.patrickhaleymansion.com

Now the happy peeps are off in Costa Rica, honeymooning, fending off monkeys and getting a nice sunburn.

And getting stuff for my parents, who, well, deserve it big, fat time.
And for my sister, Sharon, who's taking care of their hyperactive dog, Roxy, while they're away.
And also for me, I hope. 'Cos I like stuff from places I'll probably never get to.

Congratulations, my seester and new brother-in-law! Two more groovy cats could not exist!

How Can You Be a Princess Wif That Tongue Hanging Out?

2006-06-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

This is my niece, Hailie. My brother's beautiful girl with his beautiful Korean wife. Hailie's nickname is Bug.
She likes strawberries, beef stew, ice cream with sprinkles and Cool-Whip, and "princess colors".

And dancing around and shrieking. She's totally better at it than I ever could be, and for that I boweth down.

She wants to be a princess. I know she wished for it on her 7th birthday (cake and present aftermath, as we see here).

But princess of what? Of ROCK. She'll start her first band in 2 years.

Oh, she's one of US, alright...

It's Poetry Time! (beware, ye practicals)

2006-06-23T00:09:00.000-05:00

So this is, like, a songy-poem-thing I done wrote a few years back.
I recently found it in one of my sobby journals. I dig it, cos' I done wrote it.
You should, too. If not, tell me where you live, and I'll come over and ask you why you read it....
******************************************************************************************************

Coming home to my loneliness
I let my feet dangle
amid the dark, sleigh-bell sighing of sadness' angle
It hurts, but it glimmers
Dark Blue
It keeps up the soulful vigil--it's part of you
Webs of thought
Push demandingly up front
What for? How could this be relevant?
Imagine eating cereal at this hour!
The cracks in the ceiling have never held so much power...
Above me is a ceiling
But I see nothing
Wondering if this is good or bad
It's 12:15am and
I feel hunger
Quite alien from those as a child I remember having had...
*****************************************************************************************************

I'm almost tempted to tap out, like a court stenographer, the stoned-out fight which emerged from drunken goodwill and car fixer-up shit between my neighbor and whoever else is over there with him.
All I hear are raised voices and "I don't wanna fightchoo, man! I don't wanna fight, no!"

Awwwwww... I kinda see hugs and a bit of puking. All is well with the world, then.

I So Got 80's... and remembered my Mom.

2006-06-17T03:32:00.000-05:00

One of my sisters is getting maaaarrriiied this Sunday.
I am actually so psyched, I am likely to poop myself. Adult diaper-poop-catcher-things? Anyone? Eh...

So for my sister, bride-to-be, I collected a bunch of tunes she wants for the party-time, and I want to be both nutsy dancing and sobby fetal. Does this make any sense?
Likely not. But once upon a time,
We were, for a time, very close.

Anyhoots.. I will be crying beside me mum... and me pappy... giving away, on his Father's Day... one of his own..

I am a Safe Person!

2006-06-17T02:42:00.000-05:00

As we see here, I have new motorcycle-bitch-helmet-and-goggs. Tres sexy, no?
No? No, you say? Well, then. Fuckety you, you piece of crap. Why you lookin' anyways?

And, NO... these are not eggs in my eyes (as my boyfriend thought when he saw the photo). But What does that say about me? *snif*... I kinda like that my lovey believes that nothing is beyond me...Whoooo! Can I say Whoo again? So, WHOOOO!!